Snow Drop
by Suitachi
Summary: As much as Tai tries to stay calm, it only makes it harder when she loses control.


**Disclaimers : **I own Tai, Asukki, and Surupi.  
**hanyou-samurai owns : **Kylie  
**Square - Enix owns : **Everything else.

* * *

Snow Drop

"Can you make it snow?"

"I can, but then you won't appreciate it every time it comes around."

"Well, when I die, make it snow, okay?"

.: .. :.

Tai and Riku had both laughed it off that day. Riku was only joking when he asked her to make it snow when he died. Tai knew this, but even so, she had this sinking feeling that he _would_ die, just so that there would be snow in the summer. But he couldn't. There would be no point in dying so early.

But he _did_ die. Not soon after asking her. No...It was a few years later that he died. He just...let himself get killed.

Grey.

Where, Tai wasn't sure, it was all just a blur.

Why, Tai couldn't remember why he did.

How, Tai wasn't looking. It didn't matter to her how.

Her mind had stopped working then. Time felt like it had slowed to a stop all around.

Grey.

Everything was grey. The tears in her eyes had stayed exactly where they were, frozen along with time. She just stood there, not able to understand why Riku was lying limp on the grey ground.

Red.

The only color that stood out against that grey had been that clashing red color that poured from Riku's limp body.

"He loved you, Tai," Kylie had told her. Tai didn't believe her. It wasn't right that one should love after life. It was wrong for someone to pretend they should love if they were just going to leave. It was wrong for Tai to believe her.

_Because if he did love me,_ Tai mused bitterly, _he'd still be here smiling. But he's not._ So her mind told her he didn't love her. _He never did_.

"These things happen," Cloud had told her. Tai didn't believe him either.

"Riku's a Keyblader," she reminded him in monotone, "He is also a Mage. He could have dodged," Cloud shook his head, pushing his fingers through his hair. Tai didn't understand; she was in some kind of denial. "I don't care how he survived, just as long as he did," and she walked away.

Surupi and Asukki were in an argument the day after. Asukki, beautiful Asukki, had her face warped in anger that erased all traces of her beauty. Surupi's face was plagued with concern as he tried to keep his sister calm enough. She was very near the point of destruction, where the house would be in danger.

"It's all her fault! It'd all be better if she didn't exist! Everything is all her fault!" Asukki screamed at the top of her lungs. Surupi winced as if he'd been hit, but kept both eyes on Asukki, incase she went overboard. His frowned said he didn't like this, that he didn't like the way his sister took Riku's death. Now she was blaming Tai, like the Water Mage was at fault, even though she wasn't.

"Don't blame everything on Tai," he pleaded. She made a motion like she was going to hit him, which he threw his hands up in defense. "It wasn't her fault..."

"Don't stick up for her!" she screamed, drowning his pleas, making them even more useless against her. "She's bad luck, Surupi, face it! **You could be next!**"

Tai was leaning against the wall when all this happened. She wouldn't take offense. She believed—she knew—Asukki was right about all that. It was her fault. She could have done something when she didn't. She _let _Riku die.

Asukki loved Riku. She's loved him since they met, when they both worked under Maleficent. Though he didn't share the same love for her, she still felt her own loss, more than anyone's. She was selfish, but she didn't care. She needed to someone to blame.

But Asukki didn't have to be so mad about it.

Kylie kept herself from crying, knowing it wouldn't do any good.

Cloud didn't cry because he had forgotten how.

Kairi did cry, because Riku was there for her entire life.

Sora didn't cry because he wanted to stay strong for Kairi.

But here Asukki was, screaming.

Tai slid around the wall, finally making her presence known in the room. Asukki finally fell silent, glaring holes into Tai as she quietly spoke.

"Blaming me isn't going to bring him back..."

Asukki knew this was true. Blaming, complaining, crying...nothing could bring him back. But Asukki didn't want to be reminded of this. She wanted to hurt Tai, more than anything, for this.

"Nobody cares about you!" Asukki snapped, but it didn't hit Tai as hard as she'd hoped.

"Asukki that's—" Surupi was cut off.

"Tell me—" Tai was cut off.

"I care," Kylie said when she walked in on the argument. Tai's nostrils flared and she looked away, crossing her arms. Asukki stared at the ground, breathing heavily through her nose. "Do you know how many times Tai has been told that?" Kylie questioned the girl. Asukki didn't answer. "And every time it hasn't been true. But she's been told that more often than she had been told otherwise. So what is she to think?"

"She'll get over it!" Asukki whined. When she looked up at Kylie, she cowered, the strength of the Fire Mage's glare more intense and dangerous when she stared right into it.

"I don't even know why I bother with you," Kylie shook her head as she had said this. A faint, disgusted smile was on her lips as she quietly laughed at Asukki's ignorance. "You're only upset because the only person you loved is dead, and now you're taking it out on the only person he did love, because you have nothing left to do with yourself!" she said lightly, as if it were a joke, but ever word was dripping with bitter malice.

Tai winced, being hit with that harder than Asukki's comment, even though Kylie's wasn't directed at her. "_The only person he did love_," were the only words that imprinted on her mind. As much as she loved to believe that, she couldn't

She left, sliding behind the wall again. It was Sora she wanted find. He was in his room, with a door closed, something that never happened. It hadn't been hard to get in, the door was unlocked, and Tai had let herself in Sora's room.

Sora sat on his bed, slumped over, his elbows on his knees, and his fingers tangled in his hair. He looked about to cry then, like one single push would send the never ending waterfall of despair flowing right down his cheeks. Tai never pushed him. Instead, she slipped right behind him on his bed, and leaned against his back with her arms draped over his shoulders. It was just like she used to do whenever they watched the sunset.

"Tai, you're not helping," Sora told her. Tai didn't answer, and instead rested her head against his back. Sora lifted his head off his hands to look at her and stroke her hair. "I wish it had been me..." he said to her, "Then no one would blame you for anything."

"'_I wish it had been me..._'" Tai repeated. She looked away from Sora. She didn't want to hear that from him. "Then what would happen to Kairi?" It would have been just as bad as if Sora died, but, instead of Tai being in so much pain, it would have been Kairi, because she loved Sora more than Tai did.

Sora thought this a good point. Kairi would have died right after him. And here Tai was bottling everything up like nothing was wrong with her. He could tell that she was the one dying alongside Riku.

.: .. :.

At the funeral, no one felt like speaking. So quiet, so cold, everybody might as well not have been there. Kairi, sweet Kairi, wanted to speak, but her voice had been stolen by some unseen force and she didn't know where to find it. No one blamed her. No one blamed anyone, aside from Asukki still silently hating Tai.

_"When I die, make it snow, okay?"_

_Tai laughed. Riku laughed alongside her. He loved the sound of her laughter. It was beautiful. It was free from the insensitivity and bitterness she always carried around with her. _

_It was one thing he would regret leaving behind._

Tai stood by his coffin, looking down at the inanimate object so called a corpse. Though it's been a couple days now since she knew of this corpse's existence, she could hardly believe that the figure was really Riku. But it was.

So badly she wanted to remember the good times, to share them with him, and laugh with him, but she couldn't. Too many people were there watching.

She wanted to see him smile. Just one last time. Just a few more times. Just forever.

"Tai...we have to close the lid now..." Kylie said softly, placing a hand on Tai's shoulder. Tai shrugged her off. She didn't want to lose Riku just yet. Not yet. She couldn't bear never seeing him again. She wanted him back. She couldn't let him go. If he was alive, she wouldn't have to see him one last time!

She shook her head, her mind a spinning torrent of emotions. She felt the rush of feelings overwhelming her.

"Fine," Tai said, still staring at the pale boy lying in the coffin...like he was a sleeping vampire. Tai's eyes blurred and she shook her head to keep the tears from rolling over. It wouldn't do to cry. Crying was useless. It wouldn't bring him back. If it could, she'd cry forever until it did bring him back. But that was impossible.

Two people pulled the lid closed, slowly, so that Tai could have time to move her hands. Tai followed his peaceful face as the lid came closer and closer to the other end of the coffin. She wanted to catch every last glimpse of him before he was gone forever.

_"You be a good girl now," Riku told her in his last breath. It was then that Death finally decided to take possession of the silver haired boy._

What compelled her only to stare when he was left bleeding in front of her? What left her frozen in a time when he needed her then most? She could have saved him, she knew she could, and yet she didn't...

Why?

Why was it so hard to catch him, to keep him from falling deeper into the black abyss of what was called Eternal Slumber? Why couldn't she have saved him from death?

Why?

No answers accompanied the questioned that Tai beat herself up with.

She forced herself to watch the coffin that contained the corpse of someone very special as it was lowered into the deep, dark hole.

For a moment, all she wanted to do was cry out, to make them stop, to tell them the more they lowered the coffin into the hole, the more the darkness fed off of Riku's remains.

But she couldn't. Her voice was choking her as she strained to get it out. It kept choking her until she decided not to speak anymore, so she could finally breathe. She found that a mistake, though. If Riku wasn't allowed to breathe anymore, why should she? At least then could she finally join him...?

When are you going to make it snow?

Tai shook her head. Never. She was never going to make it snow, not now. Now when all that she had left of him was the promise that she would make it snow. She couldn't let him go just yet. She couldn't ever let him go.

"Never..."

Tai dropped to her knees on the dirt mound in front of Riku's pretty new gravestone. It was grey like it was the day he died, with the words "_Here lies Riku...One of the best friends we could ever have asked for_," with the date of his birth and the date of his death. "_R...I...P..._"

"I'll never make it snow," she growled to the dirt. Her icy blue eyes flashed an orange-yellow. Slowly, she curled herself up over his grave; resting her head on the packed dirt Riku now lay under. She was comfortable where she was, but she hated every moment that passed without him.

"I didn't mean it when I said '_I hope you die behind that door_,'" she breathed, remembering something that happened a few years ago, when she was just barely twelve. Her skin shimmered blue like water, and her eyes occasionally changed orange-yellow for a second's time before they became icy-blue again.

"You could have stayed..." she whispered, "You could have stayed with me. I don't know what to do now..." Now that everybody had gone and left her, Tai voiced her fears. She cared who listened. She didn't want anybody to. Just _him_ and no one else.

The blue shimmers on her skin became more frequent, as did the flashing of orange-yellow in her eyes. Control was slipping through her fingers, just like the dirt she so forcefully pushed her fingers under. If she didn't pull herself together, she would scream.

The dirt was warm. The summer heat made it that way, but it was only hot enough to heat the dirt. The sun couldn't spare a few rays to even thaw Tai's cold, bitter heart. And why not? She wouldn't let it.

"I'm scared of living without you..."

Tai smiled a small, insane smile when she felt someone's presence nearby. She twisted her body to look up at who had come. Her smile widened at seemingly nothing.

"Remember watching the sunset on the islet?" she asked nobody in particular, "Riku?" She watched the empty space in front of her expectantly, the smile still on her lips, but it soon faded. She let her eyes drop back to the dirt again, no longer fixated on the one spot.

"I told you. I won't make it snow. Never," she argued with what she imagined to be Riku, standing right there beside her, off the dirt mound.

An image of Kylie flashed through her mind. She hung herself from the kitchen, limp and hanging like a rag doll that had no more soul than a teapot. Tai's eyes widened as she gasped, and she disappeared in a puddle, going home to where Kylie was.

Tai fell into the kitchen, looking up stupidly as she watched Kylie in the kitchen, making dinner. She was greeted by a weak smile, that wasn't happy at all, and Kylie went back to her business, quietly putting things together, saying nothing of Tai's shimmering skin and orange-yellow eyes.

Tai heaved a heavy breath of what would have been relief if she wasn't so damaged. There was nothing in the kitchen for Kylie to hang herself with, which was more than good...And then the stove set fire.

Tai threw herself forward, moving her arms in a pushing motion as the equivalent to a bucket of water splashed onto the stove.

"Tai! What's your problem?" Kylie demanded. Tai opened her eyes one by one, confused as to why Kylie was suddenly upset at her.

"F-Fire..." Tai breathed, pointing at the stove. The food was now soaked, but the fire was gone.

"Tai, there was no fire," Kylie told her. Tai swallowed, her heart beating quickly as she stumbled back away from the stove. She hit the counter, where she looked up at the knife block. One of the knives was missing.

Another image flashed through Tai's mind, this time of Kairi. She was in her room when some unknown figure slit her throat with the missing knife. Tai let a gagged scream pass through her lips as she stumbled her way out of the kitchen and into the hall.

Like Kylie, Kairi was perfectly fine. No knife, no shadowed figure. Just Kairi, quietly making something out of shells. Another damaged sigh passed through Tai, relieved that there was nothing wrong with Kairi. But, when she looked up again, her eyes bulged.

A knife, straight in the middle of Kairi's forehead. Blood dripped from under the blade into Kairi's eyes and face, leaking over her lip and into her mouth, where it spilled over her bottom lip and over her chin. A cry of pain and agony left Tai on her knees as she gripped her sides painfully, wishing this hadn't happened.

"Tai, what's wrong?" Kairi placed a hand on Tai's shoulder. Suddenly, it was all fine. It was all just another illusion. Kairi didn't have a knife in her head.

_I'm going insane_, Tai told herself while she ran to Sora's room. Something was bound to happen to him next. He was next on her list of important people, right after...

Riku.

She stopped at his doorway, only to witness the diagonal split in his head, where the top half slid off in a gory mess. The breath left Tai in a shudder, as if it was all knocked out of her lungs, and she didn't have enough to start breathing again.

Something caught her eye in the shadows, in the darkest part of Sora's room. A ghost. Riku's ghost, glaring at her like everything was her fault, his eyes wide and piercing, his brows furrowed deeply in that angry look.

Tai slipped to the floor, holding her head and chanting quietly, "_This isn't real._"

"Tai, what's wrong?" Sora asked, picking her off the floor. Tai ignored him, searching over his shoulder for Riku's ghost in the shadows. It wasn't there, but she could still feel Riku's presence in the room.

Make it snow, okay?

When I die, make it snow.

Okay?

Make it snow.

"No!" Tai screamed in protest, her voice betraying her agonizing pain. Sora stared as she ripped herself away from him, watching as she ran out of his room. She ran into her own room. Her form now entirely of water, only possessed the figure of her normal self with the magic she had in her.

All her control had slipped, and now she couldn't do but destroy anything she could. It took all her energy to stay in her room, breaking, ripping, knocking things over, and she carved words on the walls.

_**I will not make it snow.**_

Her hand accidentally slipped, cutting a deep gash in her arm, but since her arm was only water, the gash disappeared quickly.

Drowning. She felt as if she were drowning in herself. She waited to die, waited to join Riku, wherever he was, but she had not the patience to die, nor did she have the courage to just kill herself. She grabbed her aching head, her body shivering violently as she dropped to the floor.

No. She wasn't going to make it snow. He couldn't make her.

"I won't..." she said in a trembling breath.

There was a banging on her locked door, which she easily ignored. No one needed to share her pain. She was the only one who should handle this. She could. No one had to go down with her.

"_I won't..._"

.: .. :.

_I've written this note so many times and in so many ways, wanting to tell you so much, while knowing you're probably never going to read this. I've tried so many times to tell you, each attempt failing because I was too much of a coward._

_If you're reading this, I have died. I'm sorry for all the pain I put you through. I don't believe you'll find any time to forgive me. _

_My only regret is not telling you sooner. So as my last resort..._

_I love you, Tai._

_I always have._

_Please, please forgive me,_

_Riku_

.: .. :.

Having left her mutilated room, Tai lay curled up on Riku's bedroom floor, clutching the last piece of Riku to her chest.

So he planned on dying to whole time...And just in case, he wrote her a note.

Maybe it was okay to cry.

Maybe it was okay to let it snow.

And she did.

As long as she cried, it snowed. It was the middle of summer, with the sun still managing to hang in the sky, leaving the heat lingering around every surface. Even though the snow failed to stick to the ground, the flakes themselves were fine enough.

Thank you, Tai.

As a ghost, Riku leaned over the crying Water Mage, kissing her cheek ever so lightly. As he pulled away, his transparent hand lingered, carefully wiping away one warm, salty tear that tracked down her tanned skin.

Never would the flavor of her lips be on his, but he was content with that, because he knew no one else's was.

.: .. :.

_"Look out!"_

_"There he is!"_

_"Kylie!"_

_"Help!"_

_"Someone!"_

_Sephiroth swooped down from a high building, raging flames deep within his mako - colored eyes. Five people against him, and yet he was still so frighteningly powerful._

_To destroy all of them and take Kylie as his own was his final goal._

_With Masamune in hand, he held it point forward as he flew at the youngest on the battle field: Tai, who seemed distracted by a noise in the other direction. It was planned by Sephiroth himself. He grinned, flying closer...and closer..._

_"Tai!"_

_Tai finally looked forward, at Sephiroth and his gleaming mako eyes. She froze, her eyes wide as she realized how fast he was coming. _

_"Ggh!"_

_A blade, some blade, Sephiroth's blade, ran Riku right through, the tip, covered in Riku's own deathly red, pointed straight at Tai._

_Tai felt as if it had been she herself who had been stabbed right through the heart, the beating soon to fade in time to escape from the rip that ran right down the middle. Just to cease in its existence to escape that awful rip. _

_But it was Riku's heartbeat that was to be so soon pushed to nonexistence, while the rip in Tai's own still threatened to kill, and she felt so selfish to think so!_

_"You...be a good girl now..." he said with his last breath. It was then that Death finally decided to take possession of the silver haired boy._

_He fell into her wide opened arms as soon as Sephiroth pulled the blade from his chest. He leaned against her, like he had merely been rendered unconscious from lack of sleep, but that wasn't the case. Tai fell to her knees, glaring at the man who seemed so disappointed that he had not killed the girl first, but so content that he had killed _someone _tied to Kylie._

_"Riku!" Sora shouted, and yet no one listened._

_Sephiroth raised his blade for the sacrifice of the Water Mage, but fell as the Fire Mage personally handed him to Death._

_Still, Tai had refused to let Riku go, holding him tighter in her arms. Something clicked, and a realization was met. _

_Dead. Riku was dead._

.: .. :.

Tai yawned and stretched one arm out to the pale - blue sky. In her other hand, she held a bundle of flowers; water lilies, just like her nickname. Walking carefully to Riku's grave sight, Tai danced forward, barely touching ground in fear of disturbing something. She stopped at Riku's grave, alone again, and carefully bent forward to set the water lilies by the grave stone.

"I really am going to miss you, Riku," Tai said to no one again. She smiled, though no longer insane like she was the day before. She looked up, at the ghost that stood right behind her. The ghost of Riku, standing so tall and pale. It was hard to see him so transparent. "It'll be hard living without you..." at this, Tai frowned, staring away from Riku's ghost. He floated forward, resting a hand on her shoulder in a comforting way, but Tai couldn't feel it. She coughed, or laughed, Riku couldn't tell the difference, but for some reason she was smiling as she choked, tears making their way past the boundaries of her eyelids. "I don't like this. But, I'll be strong," she promised as she flexed her muscle. Riku could only smile at her, not being able to say anything.

"Y'know, it was really stupid of you to die like that..." Tai admitted. "I mean metal can't cut through Darkness. Only light can. It's not like Sora cut you down. Or...maybe it was too late...No, it couldn't have been too late. Being a Mage, you have the ability to shift to your respective element, that's our way of healing or saving ourselves. Well, except for Kairi. Being an Earth Mage, she could just Cure. But you...you could have become the Darkness to avoid dying, I mean..." Tai looked up, stopping her babbling for just a moment as she watched Riku's expression. He was frowning, his brows furrowed disappointedly. Tai almost laughed, but she choked again. "You're afraid of the Darkness, still?" He shook his head. "You kept him from getting to me..." Even though it wasn't a question, Riku nodded. Tai gave a small smile.

"I can take care of myself," she reminded him. Riku kept his frowned, and pointed wordlessly to Tai's head. "The blade was pointed down, and he still hadn't reached ground level yet," Riku pointed to Tai's chest, then. Tai gave another sad smile. "I always shift at the last second," Riku seemed to sigh, shaking his head in defeat. There really was no reason for him to die, and this girl didn't make it any better.

"Riku..."

Riku looked up, a questioning look on his ghostly face.

"I really do..." Tai swallowed, "...appreciate you saving me...like that!" her voice broke, and she quickly held her nose to keep from crying again. "A present, then!" she said, raising her fist with a look of determination. "A gift of thanks!" Then her expression softened into a weak smile. "You really are...the best friend...I could ever have asked for..." And with that, she melted into a puddle, disappearing beneath the ground.

It took Riku a second to realize that there was a different feeling on his lips, but that feeling was quickly erased, and he felt pressure on his chest, around his shoulders, and behind his neck.

So she was planning on this the whole time, to get Riku to finally rest in peace. That was the reason why she said those things, even though he wanted to stay with her as a ghost.

She knew the only thing that would force him to move on.

Tai had slipped into the coffin when she disappeared in a puddle, reappearing in the inky dark that she couldn't escape from, no matter where she looked. But she wasn't worried about that. Her fingers reached out into the darkness, tracing Riku's cold, dead face until she found his lips. Tracing her thumb across his bottom lip, she leaned down, still so careful as if she would disturb him in his eternal sleep, and she finally, for the first and last time, touched her lips to his. Afterwards, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rested her head on his chest, crying softly and still wishing for some way to bring him back.

When she was above ground again, Riku's ghost was gone, having finally moved on. She smiled sadly still, having finally made him content. And even one day she'd join him, but until then, she had stuff to do.

Tai walked home again, alone, without the company of Riku for the first time ever.

.: .. :.

I wish he hadn't died...  
But I still have the picture of him, smiling so sweetly.  
He had left his note there for me, knowing only I would find it...  
-laughs- He's such a smart boy.


End file.
